ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
