My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
