what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
