Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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