They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
