come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
