You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
