i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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