Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
