my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
