I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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