Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea

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(978): I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea http://tfl.nu/kyal

Replies (28) Good night (3679) Bad night (1299)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

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(412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6

Replies (6) Good night (4521) Bad night (1017)
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(313): View more from Michigan

well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails

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(313): well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails http://tfl.nu/6yhu

Replies (9) Good night (1105) Bad night (3421)
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(+61): View more from Australia

i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?

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(+61): i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/33o5

Replies (7) Good night (2881) Bad night (1076)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.

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(250): Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed. http://tfl.nu/6hpj

Replies (1) Good night (798) Bad night (2508)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.

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(218): I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting. http://tfl.nu/tl66

Replies (11) Good night (953) Bad night (1705)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks

(1403): View more from

That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills

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(403): Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks (1403): That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills http://tfl.nu/uobi

Replies (2) Good night (1404) Bad night (627)
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(516): View more from New York

you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.

(1-516): View more from New York

right. well we all have our lows.

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(516): you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk. (1-516): right. well we all have our lows. http://tfl.nu/vj3x

Replies (4) Good night (1167) Bad night (1412)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.

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(574): I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus. http://tfl.nu/ya8h

Replies (4) Good night (2399) Bad night (797)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends

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(919): Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends http://tfl.nu/02aa

Replies (3) Good night (1178) Bad night (520)
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(469): View more from Texas

I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.

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(469): I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy. http://tfl.nu/2dh7

Replies (7) Good night (522) Bad night (827)
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(785): View more from Kansas

This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating

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(785): This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating http://tfl.nu/xcs8

Replies (11) Good night (405) Bad night (720)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.

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(603): 'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/23ze

Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (276)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.

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(318): Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows. http://tfl.nu/7891

Replies (0) Good night (596) Bad night (352)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.

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(216): I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week. http://tfl.nu/slhb

Replies (3) Good night (325) Bad night (565)

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