i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?