He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.