on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something