I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities