Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
