Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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  (440): wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant http://tfl.nu/01g1
  Replies (54) Good night (1428) Bad night (15819)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

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  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10895) Bad night (1949)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.

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  (617): i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar. http://tfl.nu/1t99
  Replies (7) Good night (2914) Bad night (972)
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  (916): View more from California

  Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.

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  (916): Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much. http://tfl.nu/45kg
  Replies (3) Good night (968) Bad night (2104)
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  (707): View more from California

  I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..

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  (707): I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution.. http://tfl.nu/dcg9
  Replies (18) Good night (4542) Bad night (1504)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...

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  (318): you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back... http://tfl.nu/qoth
  Replies (7) Good night (757) Bad night (2808)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.

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  (248): You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual. http://tfl.nu/weeh
  Replies (4) Good night (2604) Bad night (813)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...

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  (225): Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM... http://tfl.nu/su1z
  Replies (5) Good night (2171) Bad night (730)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml

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  (507): The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it h http://tfl.nu/rzj1
  Replies (6) Good night (580) Bad night (1989)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero

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  (613): I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero http://tfl.nu/0ytb
  Replies (1) Good night (1714) Bad night (883)
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  (510): View more from California

  I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.

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  (510): I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it. http://tfl.nu/j8q4
  Replies (1) Good night (1042) Bad night (386)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."

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  (971): I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob." http://tfl.nu/bamh
  Replies (4) Good night (437) Bad night (681)
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  (925): View more from California

  Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you

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  (925): Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you http://tfl.nu/oly8
  Replies (11) Good night (1010) Bad night (1678)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.

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  (314): Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit. http://tfl.nu/r9h5
  Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (344)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker

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  (617): well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker http://tfl.nu/t0fs
  Replies (5) Good night (451) Bad night (250)

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