Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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