Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter

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  (305): You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter http://tfl.nu/j7mv
  Replies (1) Good night (1446) Bad night (608)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed

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  (808): i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed http://tfl.nu/2d65
  Replies (25) Good night (3897) Bad night (990)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.

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  (313): sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test (1-313): but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know. http://tfl.nu/w4h7
  Replies (26) Good night (543) Bad night (3247)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally

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  (281): My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally http://tfl.nu/8k7h
  Replies (30) Good night (801) Bad night (4139)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Wasn't he an English major?

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  (703): He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him. (1-703): Wasn't he an English major? http://tfl.nu/vbmk
  Replies (12) Good night (1122) Bad night (4937)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers

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  (503): My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers http://tfl.nu/ouvx
  Replies (25) Good night (4331) Bad night (1630)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?

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  (503): Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower? http://tfl.nu/g495
  Replies (32) Good night (1578) Bad night (5003)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways

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  (612): I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways http://tfl.nu/wwmk
  Replies (0) Good night (1304) Bad night (644)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

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  (651): This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease. (507): Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits. http://tfl.nu/blof
  Replies (18) Good night (2693) Bad night (907)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.

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  (317): hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room. http://tfl.nu/qubv
  Replies (14) Good night (669) Bad night (2173)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.

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  (307): Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/w9b1
  Replies (2) Good night (1597) Bad night (454)
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  (818): View more from California

  It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.

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  (818): It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care. http://tfl.nu/qr5p
  Replies (9) Good night (982) Bad night (1414)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  So the keyword here is "hammered"?

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  (404): And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right? (1-404): So the keyword here is "hammered"? http://tfl.nu/1kxs
  Replies (1) Good night (1407) Bad night (383)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.

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  (505): We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon. http://tfl.nu/nv69
  Replies (15) Good night (1710) Bad night (436)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.

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  (306): I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus (1-306): you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now. http://tfl.nu/txg4
  Replies (3) Good night (229) Bad night (596)

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