Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
