I hate your face
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
