Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
