The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
