if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize