K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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