He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
