dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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