Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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