My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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