11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
