Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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