just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
