I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
