It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
