I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
