I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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