um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
