You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
