the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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