Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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