so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
