dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
