I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
