Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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