I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
