Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
