wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its not stalking. its research.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
