Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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