Kiss
Puke
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
vagina is talking i cant
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
