So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize