I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
