My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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