i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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