ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
