you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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