I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
