apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
