What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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