I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
