Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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