but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
