My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
