I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
