he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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