Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
