i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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