Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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