so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
