I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
