i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
