So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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