Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
