She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
