just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
