I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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