Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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