You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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