he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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