Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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