Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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