Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
