No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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